I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got inside last night via doggy door
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
