I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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