i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
