she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
