I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
