Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
