Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
