Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
