Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
