If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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