Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vodka?
Forever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
