And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your penis caused this!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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