For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
