he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
