I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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