So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
