I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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