There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
