also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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