I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
