im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
