i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
