The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
