a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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