We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
