Can i not drive my cunt home
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
