I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
