i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
