Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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