This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
