Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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