please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
