Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
