Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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