i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
