She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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