Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
