kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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