Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
