May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
