I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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