he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize