Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
