my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
