Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
