Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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