Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
