I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
