I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
