im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
