i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
