tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
