he wants to bone in the snuggie
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
