Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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