how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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