If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
