That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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