is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
