guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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