Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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