i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
