we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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