I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
