somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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