As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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