I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
