We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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