We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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