Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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